The Sex Talk
Sex has to be the most difficult subject for a parent to discuss with a teen, more so than drugs in my opinion. Seriously, how do you tell them not to have sex because it has bad results for them? But then turn around and take those special “naps” and have them believe you.
The truth is you can’t.
I have an eighteen year old daughter who’s made the decision not to have sex until she’s married and not to date until she’s ready for marriage. My twelve year old son, although he is at that place where girls have crushes on him, and he on them, has also said on many occasion that he wants to wait for sex. Of course I can’t predict the future but I do believe he’s sincere.
I certainly don’t tell you that to brag because truthfully I’m certain that it was the invisible hand of God directing their path and not some special wisdom I secretly possess.
In my house sex is an open conversation. We’ve never hid the topic from our children starting at a young age. There was no stork bringing children to mommy at the hospital, not here. We told them the truth even when they didn’t want to hear it. We repeatedly told them the different outcomes of sex, pregnancy and disease. Most importantly we made sure they understood that sex was an expression of love between a husband a wife and the gift of that love was them.
We also shared with them our indiscretions to avoid the potential that they’d find out the truth and negate everything that we had told them. When I say it was an open conversation, I mean all the way open. The truth is a powerful force in children’s lives and it is the duty of us as parents to be truth tellers and not the protectors of information. We can’t control what everyone will tell our children so it’s much better that they get their wisdom from us.
Some will say that children are too young to have this conversation. But I say, where’s the proof of that? There is proof that kids are having sex at earlier and earlier ages [click here]. I was introduced to sex at eight years old when my step-brother came to live with us and that event controlled the better part of my young life.
If we don’t tell our children about sex someone else will. They’ll find it on television or a friend from school will pull pictures up on their smart phone. Or worse, some will be exposed in perverted acts of sick people.
This isn’t the way we want our children to learn about sex. Unless we make sure that our children have the right information and examples about sex they’ll be ill prepared. We must know that it’s not a question of if but when they will be exposed to sex from the world’s perspective.
We cannot afford to hide the truth from our children. Initiate the conversation in your home so that the right message is being taught. Give your children the tools to properly handle sexual situations outside your home.
Lastly, I must point out that I’m not an expert in this field, just the father of 2 soon to be 3 girls and one boy. All of whom are beautiful (sorry, just bragging a bit).