What Does It Mean To Love?
So far my blog has been about reaching your destiny and finding your purpose. But this morning I woke up with a deep sense of how much I love my wife. For those who know me this may not come as any surprise because I am very transparent about my feelings for Marianne.
But today was something special; it’s not my birthday or hers, not my anniversary… today is just today and other than this incredible urge to tell the world how much I love my wife it is no different from any other day. It’s that feeling that I get when I feel loved and want to help others feel that way too.
The unspeakable truth is, though I have the feeling that you and I would describe as love; really that’s not love; it is an intense feeling of joy, happiness and even fulfillment but love itself is not a feeling at all. Love is the actions we take to put ourselves in second place to whomever we want to demonstrate our love for. For my wife it can be as simple as leaving the last piece of cookie for her because I know how much she likes her chocolate chips cookies. On the other hand I could clean the house for her while she’s at work because I know that she prefers things clean and organized. I would do that in spite of the fact that organization is one of my most pronounced weaknesses. But they are acts of kindness and selflessness that are the building blocks of love’s true nature.
Love overlooks others offenses, flaws, character deficiencies, lack of any kind, doesn’t make people measure up but allows them to be whomever they can be. Love in purest form is a sacrifice that most often goes unnoticed even by the people to whom our love is intended for.
Ladies, allow me to ask this question: If your husband or boy friend was hooked on going to strip clubs would you stay with him?
My guess is an emphatic NO!
But allow me to add a dimension to this question: If the reason he was addicted to these clubs is because at a very young age he was molested by another boy and from that day on he’d been trying to prove to himself and his molester that he wasn’t gay but liked girls. This became such a habit that he didn’t know how to walk away from it; would that change your perspective?
I think it might.
For everyone who looks at my wife’s and my relationship and thinks that we have what others may wish for and that we always have; doesn’t think that we may have a past. My wife had to endure the problem I had with strip clubs until one day I finally realized that I had already proven I liked girls when I married her.
Not only that but I love my wife and at the time, her opinion was the only one that mattered to me. Over time I gave up that old life and forgave my molester. If you’re thinking that I was able to change quickly or dramatically you’re wrong. No… change for me started with talking her into going to the clubs with me as a condition of our being together and it took several more years after that (yes, I said years) before I would be able to let go of the clubs and only look at my wife to fulfill all my needs. She is beyond doubt a remarkable woman.
The lesson is that love truly can conquer all things. My wife’s endurance of my dysfunctional past and ideas about relationships is the proof. More importantly this demonstrates the authentic meaning of love. Marianne wasn’t a party girl and had no interest in becoming one but she sacrificed her needs and honestly her dignity to do what I wanted and thought I needed just because she loved me. She never quit on me not once… she just kept loving me even though I didn’t deserve it. What people see today is the result of several years of Marianne loving me until I could finally love myself enough to love her the same way. I guess what I’m trying to say is if you’re going through challenges with your spouse just know that unconditional love always wins.
Today my wife knows without any doubts that I am fully and completely committed to her and our family. It shows in every area of our lives and with every person we meet. It’s not uncommon for us to be mistaken for newlyweds or to have people say they wish they had a relationship more like ours but as you now know most people would’ve have stuck it out long enough to be where we are now.
I don’t say this to brag; as a matter of fact I didn’t and still don’t want to post this because it reveals so much about things I never wanted to discuss again, my deepest and darkest secret. I feel divine pressure to open my life in the hopes of helping others overcome their pasts and reach their potential. So, my prayer is that telling a little about our story might help you in some way or maybe someone you know; please send the link to this article to them if you believe this may help them.
We are in the process of writing another book with much more about our story and how we overcame some of life’s most difficult relationship challenges but I will keep you informed of its progress.
Also, please help with with one question on my next post: Pondering a Destiny Question
If there is anything we can do to help you through some relationship questions or issues we can only offer our story as help but we are willing to offer it. Please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line “Relationship”.
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